I met a friend, today. He gave me some money. In fact, he gave me 30,000 credits. Considering that my hunting and looting until this point has earned me around 100 credits, I nearly fell out of my throne.

I ran immediately (and perhaps ungratefully) to the nearest shop, with my cartoonish tongue flapping two feet behind my head.

And with all this money, I discovered how tightly regulated the game is. I found myself with a freshly zazzed up inventory, full of moderately impressive equipment that I simply couldn't use. After a brief period of frustration, I sort of justify the logic to myself. After all, if you could just buy the most powerful stuff in the game, there'd be no advancement, no development. What they don't seem to realise is that I don't want to play this game, I want to have played it, and won.

So, being human, I made myself feel better about my frailties by trying to look better than everyone else.

Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I buy myself a hat. And a body hugging woolly pink jumper, and some leather hot pants. To the left, you will see my handbag weapon, which was the inspiration for this collection. The helmet, perhaps, is something of an aberration, but it gives me a substantial bonus on my Melee Armour Class, so I thought to myself "Bugner - be classy, but be practical," and decided to keep it on. Besides, if you want to know what my face looks like, ask for a picture, bitch.

Oh, yes. The clothes certainly suit me.

Progress report : I have some nice clothes. Isn't that enough?