OPERATICAL PHENOMENA No 1
BIZET'S CARMEN

Carmen is widely regarded as the hilariousest of the operas, containing three seperate pie-fights. One of these fights replaced all the pies with a single bull, which is stabbed until it dies - a scene that redefined slapstick for many.

Julia Migenes threw herself into this roll, at one stage literally! When she threw a really sticky pie using all her strength, she ended up flying after it! Using similar Spanish physics, Placido Domingo hovered throughout some of the more heart-breaking scenes by picking up the bucket he was standing in.

Carmen was not met with universal acclaim; whilst Jeff Banks hailed it as "like finding a packet of orange Fruit Pastilles", Tony Parsons was less forgiving. "If someone gave me the option of watching that shit or putting a golfing umbrella down my dick-eye, I wouldn't even ask if the umbrella was open or closed. Just stick that fucking umbrella into my fucking dick."